Winston Churchill Quotes – Funny Quotes by Winston Churchill

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Winston Churchill Quotes
Funny Quotes by Winston Churchill

Let these funny Winston Churchill Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
– Winston Churchill

Personally, I’m always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
– Winston Churchill

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
– Winston Churchill

I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
– Winston Churchill

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
– Winston Churchill

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For my part, I consider that it will be found much better
by all parties to leave the past to history,
especially as I propose to write that history myself.
– Winston Churchill

Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
– Winston Churchill

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
– Winston Churchill

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
– Winston Churchill

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
– Winston Churchill

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
– Winston Churchill

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
– Winston Churchill

I cannot pretend to be impartial about the colors.
I rejoice with the brilliant ones, and
am genuinely sorry for the poor browns.
– Winston Churchill

I always avoid prophesying beforehand,
because it is a much better policy to prophesy
after the event has already taken place.
– Winston Churchill

I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
– Winston Churchill

He has all of the virtues I dislike,
and none of the vices I admire.
– Winston Churchill

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
– Winston Churchill

The inherent vice of capitalism
is the unequal sharing of blessings;
the inherent virtue of socialism
is the equal sharing of miseries.
– Winston Churchill

I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
– Winston Churchill

Although prepared for martyrdom,
I preferred that it be postponed.
– Winston Churchill

Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
– Winston Churchill

If Hitler invaded hell
I would make at least a favorable reference
to the devil in the House of Commons.
– Winston Churchill

I have taken more out of alcohol
than alcohol has taken out of me.
– Winston Churchill

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
– Winston Churchill

Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
– Winston Churchill

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind
and won’t change the subject.
– Winston Churchill

In those days he was wiser than he is now;
he used to frequently take my advice.
– Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning
I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
– Winston Churchill

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words,
and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.
– Winston Churchill

The length of this document defends it well
against the risk of its being read.
– Winston Churchill

A joke is a very serious thing.
– Winston Churchill

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
– Winston Churchill

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
– Winston Churchill

I’m just preparing my impromptu remarks.
– Winston Churchill

We are all worms. But I believe that I am a glow-worm.
– Winston Churchill

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
– Winston Churchill

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
– Winston Churchill

You have enemies? Good.
That means you’ve stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
– Winston Churchill

A politician needs the ability to
foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.
And to have the ability afterwards
to explain why it didn’t happen.
– Winston Churchill

Success consists of going from failure to failure
without loss of enthusiasm.
– Winston Churchill
(also quoted as: “Courage is going from failure to failure
without losing enthusiasm.”

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
– Winston Churchill

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
– Winston Churchill

When you have to kill a man,
it costs nothing to be polite.
– Winston Churchill

This is no time for ease and comfort.
It is time to dare and endure.
– Winston Churchill

The first quality that is needed is audacity.
– Winston Churchill

It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
– Winston Churchill

No crime is so great as daring to excel.
– Winston Churchill

The problems of victory are more agreeable
than those of defeat,
but they are no less difficult.
– Winston Churchill

If you are going through hell, keep going.
– Winston Churchill

We are masters of the unsaid words,
but slaves of those we let slip out.
– Winston Churchill

Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong.
– Winston Churchill

We are stripped bare by the curse of plenty.
– Winston Churchill

I never worry about action, but only about inaction.
– Winston Churchill

History is written by the victors.
– Winston Churchill

In wartime, truth is so precious that she
should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
– Winston Churchill

It is no use saying, “We are doing our best.”
You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
– Winston Churchill

Never give in – never, never, never, never.
– Winston Churchill

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;
an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
– Winston Churchill

We shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us.
– Winston Churchill

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