Diet Jokes, Reader – s Digest

chip diet

Diet Jokes

You might think dieting is no laughing matter, but maybe you need to lighten up — heyo! From losing weight to ridiculous restrictions, we’ve got a ton of good jokes about fasting from food.

Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At

Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart

Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life

I’ll Take Mine to Go

Q: Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?

A: You can get thinner there.

Q: Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?

A: You can get thinner there.

You’ll LOVE This One

Q: Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?

A: He’ll dessert you.

Q: Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?

A: He’ll dessert you.

How Low Can You Go?

I tell people I’m on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.

I tell people I’m on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.

CATEGORIES

Hilariously Literal Anti-Jokes

Hilarious Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

Our Hardest Riddles Ever

Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh

Off-Color Eaters

Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?

She heard you could get thinner there.

Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?

She heard you could get thinner there.

What’s Your Beef?

“Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”

“Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”

Vegan Insult

Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian?

Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian?

Diet Downer

I’m not vegetarian because I love animals. I’m vegetarian because I hate vegetables.

I’m not vegetarian because I love animals. I’m vegetarian because I hate vegetables.

Vegan Crossroads

Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!

Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!

Nationwide Eating Plan

“I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.”—@sbellelauren

“I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.”—@sbellelauren

Nacho Normal Diet

The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback

The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback

Sugar Free

Q. What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

Q. What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

Time Weighs on You

Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.

Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.

Can-Do Diet

Q. What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?

A. A beer in each hand.

Q. What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?

A. A beer in each hand.

I Have a Dieter Inside Me

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.

Get Thrown Out

A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Restaurants will alwa ys throw you out before you can eat too much.

A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat…

Fattening Spoon

The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.

The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.

Chocolate Chip Diet

Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon. However, chocolate chips eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever. Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but don’t eat them.

Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon. However, chocolate chips eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever. Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but don’t…

Don’t Watch Others Eat

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Dessert Ditcher

Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?

Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?

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